July 2012
1 post
1 tag
Kelsey's Personal Tumblr! →
May 2012
2 posts
“Come snort cocaine with me off this bathroom tile! I got my bell-bottoms on,...”
– Kelsey Cook on the 1970’s
“You think the 90’s are alive in Portland? You should see France!”
– Kelsey Cook
April 2012
1 post
“And I wanna be an American! Where at least I can shoot things with guns”
– Kelsey Cook
March 2012
10 posts
“If I were a villain I’d be Ursula”
– Kelsey Cook
“Newsflash: Birds can’t leave the atmosphere”
– Kelsey Cook
“Does someone have 20 dollars I can have? Because I need this Paula Deen...”
– Kelsey Cook
Katie: I wanna see your peacock, cock cock, your peacock
Kelsey: That'll be 50 dollars please
Kelsey: Just kidding, more than that
Kelsey: This is at least a 75 dollar shlong.
1 tag
“I don’t think we should buy local! I don’t care if we beat chickens...”
– Kelsey Cook
Katie: What's the adjective to describe vagina-looking things? If phallic is for penis looking things...
Kelsey: Hole-y?
“STOP THE PRESSES! There was a Swan Princess 3?!?!”
– Kelsey Cook
“Look up the song Rasputin, it was made in the 70’s and sung by black...”
– Kelsey Cook
“The only connection I have to a Lemon Meringue Pie is the shape of my head”
– Kelsey Cook
February 2012
51 posts
1 tag
“iCarly is definitely the reason I chose Seattle University.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I hate diversity! White power!”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“(In response to KJ’s burp) “You are never getting married”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Don’t have money for videogames for car trips? Tangle up some string then...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Now just multiply that by math”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“It’s not gay if there’s a pillow in the way”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“That burger looks like a hippo you speared and it’s bleeding”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“What’s a redhawk? I know it’s illegal to eat eagles, but redhawks...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Where were you when the Titanic happened? You’re great at chopping ice.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I’m really good at upside-down question marks”
– Kelsey
1 tag
“This is like a different language!”
– Kelsey Cook (upon looking at my Spanish homework)
1 tag
“Umm… I think shish kabobs are kind of skewed.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Normally Dalton’s hair looks like the top of a loaf of bread, but now it...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I think Twitter is more beautiful than books.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I don’t want a sugar daddy, necessarily. I want a sugar buddy… Like...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“What is Bicardi? It sounds like a car.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Vests are not cute when you don’t have any arms. Capris are not cute when...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
Me: What did you kick?!
Kelsey: My pains and cares away?
1 tag
“You’re talking to a man who used to design chairs.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Wait, no! I assumed that there was only one mountain goat in the world. My bad.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I walked in to pee and then he scared me, so I was like ‘Oh! Maybe I...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I wasn’t going to sit through that! Native Americans can’t make...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“When my fat rolls over itself, those are sex lines.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
Beca: What's the drunkest you've ever been?
Kelsey: One time I took I took communion with wine instead of juice.
1 tag
“He looks like an elf. If he were a little cheerier he could work at the north...”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Hello, I’m a gnome! Would you like me to tend your garden?”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“NO! I want to be the godfather… I just want a wand and wings!”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“If I were a flavor, I would be taupe.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“A piece of paper is tanner than Katie!”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
Rylie: Have you ever left your lover gifts?
Kelsey: In the toilet!
“I got a douche bag for a white elephant gift… an actual douche bag.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“I have the same problem— keeping my pants up on New Year’s”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Sometimes, when things don’t match, I break them.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Do you ever fumble your genitals?”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“The military doesn’t get birthdays.”
– Kelsey Cook
1 tag
“Why doesn’t meth grow on trees?!”
– Kelsey Cook 